The difference between "Wanting it" and Wanting it

Who knew there could be two different forms of  'wanting' to losing weight. I had always thought if you told yourself that you wanted to lose weight then you would be able to work hard and losing the weight would be super easy. The fact is that it is not true. If you want to lose weight then you yourself have to actually want it with everything that you have in you. Believing in yourself and in your goal is what it takes to make to your goal plausible. It sounds crazy maybe even unbelievable but, it is true that you have to believe wholesomely that you want to become fit, be healthy, and feel great. Believing wholesomely is the key to being successful.

I will admit that I have been down the fitness road more times than I would like to say. I have tried over the years to find the motivation to lose weight and get healthy but to no end I would always fall off of the path in some form. I would start hardcore working out for a couple days then two days in would stop. I could not figure out why I would lose my way or what could be done to fix the problem. I would try everything to fix what I was doing wrong but, little did I know that what I was doing wrong was forcing myself to lose weight versus actually wanting to lose weight. This realization was what changed everything for me. It was like a key to the door that has been locked all these years.

It was time for me to get real about this. I knew that no matter what that I was sure I wanted to keep my son from suffering the same fate as me. The only way to do prevent this was to set an example. Another issue I knew I was tired of was living day to day in pain because of the prison that I called my body. It was sinking me into a sadden mood everyday more and more as time went on. I was slowly slipping into a "This will never happen. Why even try?" sense of things. Instead, I told myself, "Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this? Do you not ever want to feel amazing when you wake up in the morning?". There was no arguing because I knew that I didn't want to live this way any longer that I had to move on from my repetitive unhealthy life. It was destroying me and it had to be done with.

I decided that I had to get my family involved if I was going to be able to achieve my goals. I had always kept losing weight and 'dieting' to myself before this moment which had caused a great deal of failure. I sat down and spoke about how I was going to make small changes to start out my new healthy lifestyle. My family were suppose to get me Subway instead of the McDonald's if they were to pick that up. My family has a tendency to pick up fountain drinks from the corner store also. So, I decided to tell them to get me coke zero instead of my normal Coke since my store recently started offering it. Now, these may seem like small changes to you but, growing up and living on junk food my entire life it was a hard task in my eyes. Everyone has to approach their goal in a their own way which can greatly differ. I knew that this would be the key for me to move forward on my path to being healthy. The funny thing is that I had tried this before but little did I know at the time that I didn't really want it and fell off the path pretty easily. This time though it seemed so much easier for me to do. That is strange, correct? Actually, it is not really that strange. When you want something extremely bad then, it becomes easy to do.

When you question yourself you can find out your real motives behind wanting to lose weight.  Is this just because you feel like you have to lose weight to make others happy or are you doing it for your health and yourself. Once you realize who or what you are doing this for then, you will be able to realign yourself with a more positive way of wanting it. Once I was able to do that then, I realized the weight has started to slowly fall off with ease. First it was one pound then two then three. Now, I am doing it with ease and it overjoys me. I know that you will be able to do it too. If you feel like you keep falling off then, take a deep look and do it for you and your health. You can do it! Keep the hard work!

Credits:  All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.

The Food War

I wake up and fight the war daily. A strong battle between my brain whether I am hungry or not rages on. Can I tell if this time real am I really hungry or is it another fake out by my brain and emotions? I have fight with this every time I start to try to adjust my health and in the end I always give up. There is a difference this time though. I am not "depriving" myself this time. Although, it should be noted I never starved myself. I did the calorie deflect that you would normally do. When you do this cold turkey it can be hard to handle. I decided to not go at a deflect this but instead with healthier choices first. You think I would be fine, Right? Well, I still find myself at points like tonight where the battle of good or not occurs. I lost my small battle tonight against myself over where the enemy stuff me way past my full point even though at the start I knew I wasn't hungry.

I gave into the feeling of wanting that comfort that I wasn't feeling at the time. All of the junk food I use to have gave me a relaxed and happy feeling. I didn't want to fight this war. I wanted a familiar comforting taste of pizza sticks even if it meant stomach pains and no comfort body wise. Why was my army so weak at this point? I knew I would need to build them up if they are going to stand a chance but first baby steps no one can fight a war overnight. I mean rome wasn't built in a day either. I have to give myself time to adjust to all of these changes.

So, tonight I was surfing the net and watching television and to be honest it was a pretty altogether normal night. Anyways, somethings happened around my place and once again my stress level sore up as I was trying to fix them. The instant thought popped into my head, "Man, Some pizza would be oh so good right now!". The fact that knew that I shouldn't be wanting this and that it would make me feel horrible. I tried to talk myself out it as I sat there and told myself, "No, you don't need. You should grab a banana instead.". The war of my brain commences in the a fury of words back and forth. I just could not decide what I wanted. Did I want that unhealthy pizza or did I want the nutritious banana. I knew with every single bit of me that I was indeed full from over stuffing myself at dinner with stuff and that I didn't need it. Dinner was another war separately by it's self. Anyways, let all of us skip to the point.

 In the end, the war was lost and a pizza was devoured in a heartbeat. I was eating slowly and as I took every bite slowly out of the pizza I knew I didn't want to eat it yet no matter what the pizza would enter my mouth once again to be eaten. I know I am going to lose many other battles no matter what they are because no one is perfect and you don't win every battle you come upon. Although, If this was before I am going to be completely honest with you all. I would have gave up trying and just have gone back to my old ways but I am trying my hardest to make small changes toward making this a lifestyle and not another diet.

When I started eating healthy I noticed that I have started waking up in a better mood and have had a better mood altogether. I love that feeling. Well, tonight when I was eating really bad I started feeling horrible and my mood changed to "grumpy". I did not want to be around anyone or anything that moved that could chance annoying me. This feeling made me come to the realization that it will be easy for me to focus on getting back to that point. It doesn't matter if I make a mistake there is always another day and I can fix those mistakes that were made. I learned that if I keep telling myself, "You messed up. You need to give up.". Well, I will get no where now will I? If you hit a bump in the war of food versus you just remember that you can smooth out that bump and work on putting all of them behind you never to be seen again. Would you not like to wake up feeling really good and full of energy? Now, I know the answer to that is yes. If you focus on that feeling you are craving then you are more likely to overcome it. Just remember that you are able to do it no matter what and that someday food will not have control over you. Keep your head up.

Credits:  All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.

Where have I been?

Tick Tock Tick Tock. I haven't wrote in ages. Oh dear, oh my. I know some have been wondering if I just gave up on writing. If maybe I just didn't care anymore. I didn't stop caring about my health. I just gave up for a short time because I was feeling really sick. I ended up catching a cold then feeling better two days only to catch another cold followed by possible food poisoning or another illness. I am not positive that it was food poisoning at the time and I am still not sure. I never got this sick over and over like this in the past. I am used to only getting one cold per year then it being over. That didn't happen this year.  I also found out recently that some of my favorite foods now make me feel ill. My all-time favorite cheese cover bread sticks were now giving me stomach pains. I use to devour three of them at a time and they are very large. Now I can't even eat half of one without the pains happening to me.

It just goes to show how bad I have let myself slip up. This made me come to the realization of the stress I am putting on my body with my weight and diet. My body is screaming to me. It telling me over and over " HELP US! WE ARE HURTING!". It has kept doing stuff that I knew was a sign but I ignored and kept up my bad habits. Now, I am to the point it is getting hard to function day to day. So, it was a smack to the face when I ate a small unhealthy snack and instantly felt stomach pains. I felt horrible and knew I had to change. I knew that this couldn't go on any longer. It was just to much for me to handle anymore.

I have decided to jump back on the train as soon as possible. I do not care if I am still "tired". I must change this! I can not take getting sick on the daily and the feeling of dreading getting out of the bed. It shouldn't have to be this way. I want to wake up jumping out of  the bed and being excited to start the day. I use to have this feeling but then over time it changed. In the past, I was the type of person who would wake up early and clean to my hearts content then game for a little bit. I would just love the day a bit more if I was back this way. As of lately, I just want to sleep or watch TV. This is even though I know I need to do more. I know it is going to be hard to change but trust me I am going to try. After many years of emotional eating and nothing but junk and fast food I become quite attached to my "favorites". I don't know how I will break free from the grip of their deliciousness but I will find a way somehow. I know it because I have to.

As I am writing this blog post for you all, I have already changed my ways just a little. I admit it I went and got fast food. I went to burger king. I did however not reach for my usual but, instead for the beauty you see on the side. I saw it on this on the salads and more section and because I was still craving my fast food but want to be healthier option. I took a baby step. It is a veggie burger they offer. It is a meatless burger made with veggies in it. When I tried it I would bite and get chunk of different stuff but it was really really good in my opinion. It is just a different texture from usual.

It was something new for me to try all together. Usually, I would sit and just order my normal eat it all and go for a microwave pizza too. This time I did not do that. I ate the burger and the veggies filled me up. When I was done I ended up stuffed full. The way I see it no matter how small the step you take it is still a step.  Just don't give up on yourself if you feel like your step is not big enough because even a small one is good one. I do not know where I am going from here but I am going to slowly make changes and see what happens. The key thing is I am going to try. I definitely want to change all of these things occurring to me and I am hoping I don't fall ill again before I get the chance for this. Good luck on your journey because I will be right there beside you fighting my battle too.

Credits:  All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.