I wake up and fight the war daily. A strong battle between my brain whether I am hungry or not rages on. Can I tell if this time real am I really hungry or is it another fake out by my brain and emotions? I have fight with this every time I start to try to adjust my health and in the end I always give up. There is a difference this time though. I am not "depriving" myself this time. Although, it should be noted I never starved myself. I did the calorie deflect that you would normally do. When you do this cold turkey it can be hard to handle. I decided to not go at a deflect this but instead with healthier choices first. You think I would be fine, Right? Well, I still find myself at points like tonight where the battle of good or not occurs. I lost my small battle tonight against myself over where the enemy stuff me way past my full point even though at the start I knew I wasn't hungry.
I gave into the feeling of wanting that comfort that I wasn't feeling at the time. All of the junk food I use to have gave me a relaxed and happy feeling. I didn't want to fight this war. I wanted a familiar comforting taste of pizza sticks even if it meant stomach pains and no comfort body wise. Why was my army so weak at this point? I knew I would need to build them up if they are going to stand a chance but first baby steps no one can fight a war overnight. I mean rome wasn't built in a day either. I have to give myself time to adjust to all of these changes.
So, tonight I was surfing the net and watching television and to be honest it was a pretty altogether normal night. Anyways, somethings happened around my place and once again my stress level sore up as I was trying to fix them. The instant thought popped into my head, "Man, Some pizza would be oh so good right now!". The fact that knew that I shouldn't be wanting this and that it would make me feel horrible. I tried to talk myself out it as I sat there and told myself, "No, you don't need. You should grab a banana instead.". The war of my brain commences in the a fury of words back and forth. I just could not decide what I wanted. Did I want that unhealthy pizza or did I want the nutritious banana. I knew with every single bit of me that I was indeed full from over stuffing myself at dinner with stuff and that I didn't need it. Dinner was another war separately by it's self. Anyways, let all of us skip to the point.
In the end, the war was lost and a pizza was devoured in a heartbeat. I was eating slowly and as I took every bite slowly out of the pizza I knew I didn't want to eat it yet no matter what the pizza would enter my mouth once again to be eaten. I know I am going to lose many other battles no matter what they are because no one is perfect and you don't win every battle you come upon. Although, If this was before I am going to be completely honest with you all. I would have gave up trying and just have gone back to my old ways but I am trying my hardest to make small changes toward making this a lifestyle and not another diet.
When I started eating healthy I noticed that I have started waking up in a better mood and have had a better mood altogether. I love that feeling. Well, tonight when I was eating really bad I started feeling horrible and my mood changed to "grumpy". I did not want to be around anyone or anything that moved that could chance annoying me. This feeling made me come to the realization that it will be easy for me to focus on getting back to that point. It doesn't matter if I make a mistake there is always another day and I can fix those mistakes that were made. I learned that if I keep telling myself, "You messed up. You need to give up.". Well, I will get no where now will I? If you hit a bump in the war of food versus you just remember that you can smooth out that bump and work on putting all of them behind you never to be seen again. Would you not like to wake up feeling really good and full of energy? Now, I know the answer to that is yes. If you focus on that feeling you are craving then you are more likely to overcome it. Just remember that you are able to do it no matter what and that someday food will not have control over you. Keep your head up.
Credits: All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.
