The Food War

I wake up and fight the war daily. A strong battle between my brain whether I am hungry or not rages on. Can I tell if this time real am I really hungry or is it another fake out by my brain and emotions? I have fight with this every time I start to try to adjust my health and in the end I always give up. There is a difference this time though. I am not "depriving" myself this time. Although, it should be noted I never starved myself. I did the calorie deflect that you would normally do. When you do this cold turkey it can be hard to handle. I decided to not go at a deflect this but instead with healthier choices first. You think I would be fine, Right? Well, I still find myself at points like tonight where the battle of good or not occurs. I lost my small battle tonight against myself over where the enemy stuff me way past my full point even though at the start I knew I wasn't hungry.

I gave into the feeling of wanting that comfort that I wasn't feeling at the time. All of the junk food I use to have gave me a relaxed and happy feeling. I didn't want to fight this war. I wanted a familiar comforting taste of pizza sticks even if it meant stomach pains and no comfort body wise. Why was my army so weak at this point? I knew I would need to build them up if they are going to stand a chance but first baby steps no one can fight a war overnight. I mean rome wasn't built in a day either. I have to give myself time to adjust to all of these changes.

So, tonight I was surfing the net and watching television and to be honest it was a pretty altogether normal night. Anyways, somethings happened around my place and once again my stress level sore up as I was trying to fix them. The instant thought popped into my head, "Man, Some pizza would be oh so good right now!". The fact that knew that I shouldn't be wanting this and that it would make me feel horrible. I tried to talk myself out it as I sat there and told myself, "No, you don't need. You should grab a banana instead.". The war of my brain commences in the a fury of words back and forth. I just could not decide what I wanted. Did I want that unhealthy pizza or did I want the nutritious banana. I knew with every single bit of me that I was indeed full from over stuffing myself at dinner with stuff and that I didn't need it. Dinner was another war separately by it's self. Anyways, let all of us skip to the point.

 In the end, the war was lost and a pizza was devoured in a heartbeat. I was eating slowly and as I took every bite slowly out of the pizza I knew I didn't want to eat it yet no matter what the pizza would enter my mouth once again to be eaten. I know I am going to lose many other battles no matter what they are because no one is perfect and you don't win every battle you come upon. Although, If this was before I am going to be completely honest with you all. I would have gave up trying and just have gone back to my old ways but I am trying my hardest to make small changes toward making this a lifestyle and not another diet.

When I started eating healthy I noticed that I have started waking up in a better mood and have had a better mood altogether. I love that feeling. Well, tonight when I was eating really bad I started feeling horrible and my mood changed to "grumpy". I did not want to be around anyone or anything that moved that could chance annoying me. This feeling made me come to the realization that it will be easy for me to focus on getting back to that point. It doesn't matter if I make a mistake there is always another day and I can fix those mistakes that were made. I learned that if I keep telling myself, "You messed up. You need to give up.". Well, I will get no where now will I? If you hit a bump in the war of food versus you just remember that you can smooth out that bump and work on putting all of them behind you never to be seen again. Would you not like to wake up feeling really good and full of energy? Now, I know the answer to that is yes. If you focus on that feeling you are craving then you are more likely to overcome it. Just remember that you are able to do it no matter what and that someday food will not have control over you. Keep your head up.

Credits:  All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.

Where have I been?

Tick Tock Tick Tock. I haven't wrote in ages. Oh dear, oh my. I know some have been wondering if I just gave up on writing. If maybe I just didn't care anymore. I didn't stop caring about my health. I just gave up for a short time because I was feeling really sick. I ended up catching a cold then feeling better two days only to catch another cold followed by possible food poisoning or another illness. I am not positive that it was food poisoning at the time and I am still not sure. I never got this sick over and over like this in the past. I am used to only getting one cold per year then it being over. That didn't happen this year.  I also found out recently that some of my favorite foods now make me feel ill. My all-time favorite cheese cover bread sticks were now giving me stomach pains. I use to devour three of them at a time and they are very large. Now I can't even eat half of one without the pains happening to me.

It just goes to show how bad I have let myself slip up. This made me come to the realization of the stress I am putting on my body with my weight and diet. My body is screaming to me. It telling me over and over " HELP US! WE ARE HURTING!". It has kept doing stuff that I knew was a sign but I ignored and kept up my bad habits. Now, I am to the point it is getting hard to function day to day. So, it was a smack to the face when I ate a small unhealthy snack and instantly felt stomach pains. I felt horrible and knew I had to change. I knew that this couldn't go on any longer. It was just to much for me to handle anymore.

I have decided to jump back on the train as soon as possible. I do not care if I am still "tired". I must change this! I can not take getting sick on the daily and the feeling of dreading getting out of the bed. It shouldn't have to be this way. I want to wake up jumping out of  the bed and being excited to start the day. I use to have this feeling but then over time it changed. In the past, I was the type of person who would wake up early and clean to my hearts content then game for a little bit. I would just love the day a bit more if I was back this way. As of lately, I just want to sleep or watch TV. This is even though I know I need to do more. I know it is going to be hard to change but trust me I am going to try. After many years of emotional eating and nothing but junk and fast food I become quite attached to my "favorites". I don't know how I will break free from the grip of their deliciousness but I will find a way somehow. I know it because I have to.

As I am writing this blog post for you all, I have already changed my ways just a little. I admit it I went and got fast food. I went to burger king. I did however not reach for my usual but, instead for the beauty you see on the side. I saw it on this on the salads and more section and because I was still craving my fast food but want to be healthier option. I took a baby step. It is a veggie burger they offer. It is a meatless burger made with veggies in it. When I tried it I would bite and get chunk of different stuff but it was really really good in my opinion. It is just a different texture from usual.

It was something new for me to try all together. Usually, I would sit and just order my normal eat it all and go for a microwave pizza too. This time I did not do that. I ate the burger and the veggies filled me up. When I was done I ended up stuffed full. The way I see it no matter how small the step you take it is still a step.  Just don't give up on yourself if you feel like your step is not big enough because even a small one is good one. I do not know where I am going from here but I am going to slowly make changes and see what happens. The key thing is I am going to try. I definitely want to change all of these things occurring to me and I am hoping I don't fall ill again before I get the chance for this. Good luck on your journey because I will be right there beside you fighting my battle too.

Credits:  All photos credits go directly to their rightful photographers. I did not take these photos nor do I own them.